Quote of the Day

Measuring Life by What Others Do for U will disappoint you, but Measuring Life by What U Do for others will not leave you in despair ---- keep up the good work :)

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Pain on The Go

We talk of lead India and India shining today but have we ever paid any heed to the ground realities of this country? Many would say yes! I have a story to narrate here and then could we all rethink if we see the root cause of issues such as rape, molestation and others? I witnessed some thing that provoked thoughts in my mind about the status of women and children in our country! I was amazed to see the levels at which child molestation works here! It was around 11 am on a Saturday and I was self-driving alone in my car heading towards my home town in Haryana. On the two way single road to home, I reached a small village which is about 15kms from Kurukshetra (off the GT road). A little girl who should be around 7 years was riding on a bike on the backseat of a man (I guess should be her father). She was in her school uniform. As they rode, I saw another motor bike with three young boys who should be between 19-24 years, one of the guys was making obscene gestures to the girl and waving to catch her attention. The first thought that came to my mind was they could be related to her and may be playing cute stuff but then I realized “No” that was not one of those gestures to the child but that guy could only acknowledge the gender that child was born with! All the three were laughing and making gestures to the little girl! The agony was, I was driving right behind and was a spectator to this scene, helpless! Then this came to an end when the bike the girl was riding on, took a turn to a by-lane. The five minute drive was horrible for me! By this time the guys had seen me driving behind them in aggression against what I had just witnessed. Now, it was me that they had to race with or try to use as a mockery for their pleasure. I had to literally outsmart them in driving and get them to a point where they had no choice but to get off the road to save their lives. I had the fear- what if they followed me and tried to stop the car? The thoughts that they may have friends around this area gave me jitters. In my aggression and revenge towards their disgusting act I had taken that plunge without fearing the consequences! Thankfully I could reach home safe! When I reached home, I thought to self, will those guys ever realize what my aggression towards them meant? What was I trying to protest against? The glands in my eyes became active on thinking a painful “No”! I feel sorry for our campaigns like Lead India where we expect the youth of our country to act and decide for the country without realizing what the youth in the rural India stand for! What psyche do they carry and operate on?! Is it really worth being an activist when we are not able to bring about that respect for each other? Is it not important that we respect ourselves and our fellows first and then look for support for our country? A “Jaago Re” campaign by Tata would just be a promotional stuff for many. Is it not important for us to work towards this? Is it not important for every mother to teach their children what “respect” means? How many mothers spend time in actually educating their children and teach them the real meaning of respect? We teach rules, manners, rituals but never such subtle things! I believe, the day we are sensitized to this need, everything else will follow the suit! Let’s join hands to bring this difference today! Let us work towards building a home where each one respects the others’ presence and honors their existence!

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Money overpowering God’s will

The Government of India has initiated many beneficiary programs for the under-privileged in the society. Under the National Rural health Mission (NRHM), many programs were commenced with the idea of conditional cash transfer (CCT). For example, the Janani Surksha Yojana was started to promote institutional delivery, Family Planning Promotion was started to combat overpopulation, female foeticide and illiteracy. There exist many other such state level programs. Conditional Cash Transfer (CCT) programs aim to reduce poverty by making welfare programs conditional upon the receivers' actions. AID volunteers at the Pehal took the initiative to promote family planning amongst the daily wage laborers. While passing through the phase of pre-counseling, many were hesitant in adopting such methods and some were convinced that a baby’s birth was God’s will. However, upon being told about the compensation which would be provided by the Government of India, many couples were ready to go against God’s will. We visited many nearby private and public hospitals having family planning programs. We learnt that the government has stopped providing funds to these hospitals for family planning compensation. In addition, the number of sterilization cases has decreased significantly within the previous months. Suddenly, the question that struck my mind is that is the public adopting family planning initiatives merely for some bucks or are they really interested in having a small, healthy and happy family? These programs or schemes are time bound till there is a change in mindset. Till then, the government needs to continuously provide the compensatory money in order to achieve its optimal health indicators and combat this menace.

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" NO DOWRY" Campaign

Hi all,


We are planning to launch a NO DOWRY CAMPAIGN at AID NCR level.

The basic idea is to spread more awareness about the damages caused due to prevalence of DOWRY in Indian society, and how it is related to other gender issues ranging from female foeticide to neglect of girl child to relegated position of women in Indian society.

This campaign is in its inception phase and we will needing more inputs and helping hands to make it a more successful one. Please go through the basic FAQs about this campaign and how you can be a part of it.

Q: Why a campaign like NO DOWRY ?

Ans: While we at AID have been involved in campaigns from time to time related to social justice, there have been fewer campaigns which call for actions to redefine our personal lives, and the larger impact it has on society. It might seem that dowry has been issue of the past, and is not a "burning issue" anymore, given that we hear of only few incidents on and off in the media. However, by the term dowry, here we don't intend to keep it restricted to the cash or wedding gifts, which the girl's parents need to give during marriage, but would also include the exorbitant costs which the girl's parents have to bear for ostentatious celebrations for the sake of keeping a certain "status" in society.

This phenomenon is not restricted to the affluent upper class and upper middle class, but the pressure for dowry in subtle forms exist also in lower socio-economic strata of the society and where girls are seen more as an economic burden on the family. There have been laws since last five decades to prevent the menace of dowry. However, the implementation has been poor. What we really need is not more Anti-Dowry legislations, but more active involvement from the members of civil society in discouraging this pernicious trend and strengthening the position of women in society.

Q: Who is the target audience of this campaign?

Ans: While our efforts will be to make this campaign to make a more inclusive one, to reach a wider audience, we will be initially aiming to reach the AID NCR volunteer base. As the saying goes, "Be the change you wish to see in the world", we intend to involve the volunteers, urging them to redefine their own personal lives, and what changes they can incorporate in their own lives, especially in terms of changing the trends within their own families with respect to their own weddings. As we will get more volunteers for being part of this campaign, we will aim to reach our friends, colleagues and more college students. While this campaign is essentially targeted towards the bachelors, married people are most welcome to provide solidarity to the campaign and help with their experiences in making this campaign a more successful one.

Q: What all things can I do to be part of this campaign?

Ans: We haven't finalized on all the action items related to this campaign, we would like to suggest the following steps which the volunteers can take:

• Take a pledge for a NO DOWRY wedding - You would pledge that you will not take any kind of dowry in your marriage.
• Strive for a simple wedding: You should try to have as simple wedding as possible. Lavish spending on weddings adds to the burden on girl's parents and needs to be discouraged. At the same time, the guy's family should share at least 50% of the total wedding expenses.
• Don't change your surname after marriage (for girls): We need to challenge the traditional patriarchial society, and one of the steps can be, that girls after marriage should not change their surname. They grow up with a certain identity and marriage should not be the reason to foresake it. "Marriage is a women's choice not her destiny".
• Have more say in the marriages in the family: Try to have more say during the wedding arrangements of your siblings and cousins. Before we reach others, we should try to convince our own family members.
• Spread more awareness: Spread more awareness about the aftereffects of dowry and the need of challenging the traditional patriarchial system prevalent in society, to enable the women to have their due position in society. This can include reaching your friends, colleagues, colleges and your neighbourhood associations.
• Promote No Dowry Matrimony Sites: Promote matrimonial websites which discourage dowry, and hence enabling people to find their life partners without the strings of dowry attached. Some relevant matrimony sites are: http://www.idontwantdowry.com/ , http://www.nodowry.net/ , http://www.nodahej.com/
• Promote Inter-caste Marriages: Many a times, the instances of dowry happen because people seek alliances only in their same caste, which leads to limited options. We should make an effort to encourage more inter-caste marriages which will provide more options to people for seeking suitable alliances without paying dowry. http://www.pratibimb.info/ is a matrimony site which is promoting inter-caste marriages.
• Make an online presence: Try to reach more online communities related to Anti-Dowry and try to promote more anti-dowry messages on social networking sites. Let's make people realize that this is still a grave problem and needs attention. Also, you can write more blogs and articles on this issue.
• Collaborate with organizations working on gender issues: We can collaborate with other organizations that are specifically working on gender issues and can take their help in strengthening the campaign.
• Publicize more in media: Try to highlight the issue more in mainstream media by approaching newspapers and TV channels to reach a wider audience.

Also, please go through the articles below to know more about the issue in detail.
We would be forming a team of volunteers to work on this campaign. We would be discussing about this campaign on an informal basis after the scheduled ORM sessions.

Kindly provide your inputs/suggestions to make this campaign a more successful one.

Thanks and regards,

Prachi
&
Nishank

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Dowry

India: 50 Years On, Dowry Is Still With Us ( http://www.boloji.com/wfs6/2010/wfs1296.html)

'Dowry, the inherited stigma of Indian society' (http://www.dnaindia.com/speakup/report_dowry-the-inherited-stigma-of-indian-society_1335974)

Why is dowry prevalent in India? (http://arewelikethisonly.wordpress.com/2010/01/21/why-is-dowry-prevalent-in-india/)

Dowry by Techies! Shameful act still prevalent in the Indian Society. (http://www.zorsebol.com/issues/dowry-by-techies-shameful-act-still-prevalent-in-the-indian-society/)

Supreme Court expresses anguish over continuing dowry deaths (http://infochangeindia.org/200906037772/Women/News/Supreme-Court-expresses-anguish-over-continuing-dowry-deaths.html)

Indian brides pay a high price (http://www.nytimes.com/2006/10/22/world/asia/22iht-dowry.3246644.html?_r=1)

A brand called dowry (http://www.hinduonnet.com/mag/2003/08/24/stories/2003082400220400.htm)


Female Foeticide

A murderous arithmetic (http://www.indiatogether.org/2003/jul/wom-girls.htm)

Where have they all gone? (http://archive.deccanherald.com/Content/Oct112008/she2008101094393.asp)

The Daughter Deficit — Exploring Declining Sex Ratios in India (http://www.idrc.ca/en/ev-120929-201-1-DO_TOPIC.html)

India’s missing girls- nipping them in the bud (http://www.blogher.com/indias-missing-girls-nipping-them-bud)


Inter caste marriages

Can Love Conquer Caste? (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/11/21/AR2008112103971.html)

Post-marital Rechristening


What’s in a sire’s name? (http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/2982.cms)

What’s in a name? (http://www.shaaditimes.com/love/after-marriage/in-a-name-080818)

 The Naming Game (http://writerruch.sulekha.com/blog/post/2006/08/the-naming-game.htm)

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Quote of the Day

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Reinhold Niebuhr quotes (American theologian, 1892-1971)

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Changing Perspectives

It was a summer afternoon in the city of Delhi. My patience was tested to an extent where I could not any further believe that there is a force who listens when needed. Sitting in the bus I was just waiting to reach my home and cry , cursing the unfortunate time when I was brought into this world. My existence and Life appeared a big burden over me. This was a consequence of long term frustration. I told myself there was no positive force in this world and it’s a give and take hell we live in. As I was convincing myself that this was the only truth of being on this planet of life, a young girl entered the bus. She was wearing black spects , the ones which blind wear. It was absolutely not to disguise anyone as she also held firmly her white stick, her only support to life. She sat beside me and click opened a watch, touched the arms of the watch and enthusiastically told me that she'll reach just in time to take her exam.

There and at that moment life asked many questions to me and answered all the questions I had been putting in all these times of test. Life taught me a lesson and I cried a lot. The reason of course being very different. It was an expression of guilt and remorse towards how I had been looking at life.

I realised it is my duty and responsibility to spread the lesson and this is the way I opt to tell the lesson.

How many times did you pass through a beggar and dared to hug him than to close the windows of your car?

How many times have you visited an asylum or an orphanage and tried to realise what actually life has bestowed upon you?

How many times have you ,rather than cursing the life, happily accepted the challenge?

How many times have you realised what life has given to you than what it has snatched away from you?

Be honest to yourself while answering these questions and you set on the road of optimism and life all together will appear to you a best gift .Live life by not seeing that you have remained less successful than your friends but you have achieved much more than many ,that your destiny had been better than many. Life's rule is simple, the way you look at it , it reciprocates in the same manner. Choice is all yours what you want to make out of your life.

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Who Is Really Alive?

Almost every morning, an year before, I used to see the cremation ground on my way to college. And everyday I spent a good sight over it. Sometimes I would even see a man performing the last rites of a corpse. Just opposite to the ground was one of the God's houses, a Gurudwara. A strange feeling used to equip me, inexplicable something would rush through my veins but I had no words at my disposal to explain that to my mind. May be it was a question or a realisation of the mortality of life and yet the piety with which it has to be led. The shining morning sun and its rays seemed to say something to me, the rays would shine in my eyes as if saying a fresh warm note. Those few moments everyday were more puzzling than any other time .There was life and death, the creator and the rising sun all captured in one moment. But everyone else seemed oblivious to all this. Everyone was rushing for the day, for one thing or other, not a breath to spare .Were they too blind to realise the message encaptured in those moments?

As I would walk a distance I would see an old woman , with dreadlocks, painful eyes and a disturbing air to her , playing with a doll. On my way back I would often come across a blind man carefully searching his path ahead.

Did any of these have any meaning to them? Was there a message? Or as everyone I was suppose to be as oblivious as them? Was my purpose too was to disregard their pain and queue myself for just my dreams and just my goals? Or all of us have become too selfish to realise our real purpose to life? What was that troubled me? .

Till date I have no clear answer to these questions but I have a realization and I’ll make sure that I do not turn a blind eye to that realization -The realisation of the futility of life, the realisation of the need to help, the realisation of being unselfish. Everyday I was reminded of how short a life is, how much it has to give and how much we have in us to impart to this world before we leave. To make world a better place is the goal of every soul. I have this realisation.
Through AID I want to contribute to the society in every possible manner I can, with whatever I have at my disposal. I hope the first step proves beneficial.

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